Listening to Ourselves, to Others, and to the World

Listening is one of the most underestimated skills in personal growth, leadership, and communication. Whether it’s paying attention to our internal narratives, truly hearing the people around us, or staying open to uncertainty in the world, better listening shapes better decisions and deeper connections.

As the philosopher Epictetus observed, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” That idea feels especially relevant when we consider how often we rush to respond instead of pausing to understand. The reflections below offer practical insights on how listening can transform how we think, communicate, and move forward.

Become Your Story

“The stories you are telling yourself are actually shaping and dictating your life and that realization can change everything. We often think that a decision is presented to us, we make a decision, we take action, and then those actions compound over time. And that's how our life is developed. In reality, an opportunity or a decision is presented to us. And before we take action, our subconscious plays back stories to us. These stories dictate the action we take next. Either to an action that's going to a better future, or keeps you safe, or secure in the same spot you are where you just keep going round in a circle. It is our own responsibility to intentionally choose which stories we tell ourselves right there, based on the actions that we ultimately want to take that will ultimately get us to where we want to go.”
— Kindra Hall

The way we listen to ourselves shapes what we believe is possible. Becoming more aware of our internal narratives gives us the power to choose growth over fear and intention over habit.

The Three Things People Are Listening For

“When you’re in conversation or you're doing a presentation, there are three things that people are listening for, and they don't even know that. You want to be counterintuitive, as the first thing, which means they're thinking ‘I never would've thought of that.’ So that intrigues them. The second thing they're listening for is something that's intuitively correct: ‘You know, I think that would work.’ And then the third thing they're listening for is something that is relevant to them. It’s relevant to a problem they're trying to solve and doable by them. So counterintuitive, intuitively correct, and something that they can do.”
— Mark Goulston

Listening well also means understanding what others are really responding to. Effective communication is not about saying more, but about meeting people where they are and addressing what matters most to them.

Certainty Is Not Attainable, and That’s Okay

“The truth is, the world has never been certain. One of the tips that we give in our book is a simple phrase, which is ‘I am a person learning to blank.’ When we are confronted with a situation that feels new, when we're not sure what's going to happen the next day, we tend to look for opportunities to control things, to put certainty in place. It's fine not to know everything and have the confidence to know that I will adjust. I can adapt. I can learn what I need to learn tomorrow to face whatever comes up.”
— Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy

Listening to the world requires humility. Letting go of the need for certainty allows us to remain adaptable, curious, and resilient in the face of change.

Listening is not passive. It is an active practice that shapes how we grow, how we lead, and how we connect with others.

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